Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Wallowing of my Youth that has been this Summer thus Far

I was informed by my vast network of spies that an indescribable creature of evil and torment had taken residence in my absence from Plurals. I lept to my computer to find that while true, I approve of Sydney as an indescribable creature of evil and torment.

Then Sydney told me I needed to post.


More Random Facts about me:
I am far more scared of the Zombie Apocalypse than I am of any other more reasonable natural disaster.
I was more devastated by Billy Mays death than I was of Michael Jacksons.
I don't listen to music.
I voted for Admiral Ackbar in '08.
My grandpa is my hero.

Instead of telling you my own stories I will mock some stories others have created:

I was unfortunate enough to see "Night at the Museum 2". Perhaps I was too old, or perhaps whatever soul I have has been removed, but very rarely have I come across a movie that was a waste of A) time, and B) money.

Like Rob Schneider before him Ben Stiller needs to fade into the dreary oblivion that spawned him so that he can be remembered for Zoolander and nothing else.

I saw "Harry Potter and
the Half-Blood Prince", but can no longer look at Harry and Dumbldores relationship the same way after J.K. Rowling hit us with this little bomb shell.
Half the time that I
was in the theater someone was alluding to some physical improprieties on the part of Young Harry and Wizened Dumbledore. Half the time that person was me.

And for this last one, I will be assisted by Punrick who speaks entirely in puns.

I have read half of Twilight in a misguided attempt to overcome my enemy by knowing him/her/it(?).
It very quickly crosses the line between simply being not good and goes straight off the cliff into obnox
ious, no-talent, idiocy.
Instead of ranting about the stupid inadequacies of this book I will instead give you this.

Because there is nothing better than kittans in tea-cups.

Thursday, July 9, 2009






(regular posting will resume after I finish celebrating and then recover from the hangover)

(I support Vince's hooker beating)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Job Hunting Day 60

So I kept not posting because I kept trying to catch up, but after being a week behind and 9+ pages of cartoons of last week, I figured the longer I put it off it would become just a vicious cycle. So this is the comic for yesterday. I'll post every day from now on and when I can, catch up on that week I missed. Twas pretty crazy. Anyway:

I also realized after doing this comic and watching Tyra that I allude to things that are twin cities selective or make references to shit that people with lives probably know nothing about. SO DEFINITION TIME.
KDWB - The worst radio station ever. It has templates of pop songs, and usually plays about 6 songs on repeat for hours and hours. (http://www.kdwb.com/main.html)
Kiked - (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Kiked)
Nicollet - the Nicollet Mall is a weird ass mall in downtown Minneapolis where yuppies go. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicollet_Mall)
Creepy Chan- an ex 4chan camwhore who dominated on cycle 12 of ANTM. Also, the most adorable thing on the planet. (http://encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Pure/Creepy_Chan)
ANTM- America's Next Top Model

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Summer is really boring. I do really boring things. I was told to post about the boring things I do, even they're really boring. I've decided I'm going to post every day from now on, so look forward to the boring things I do:

Also, I've been rereading Harry Potter recently, and I want all of my friends to dress up and pretend our school is Hogwarts. This is what Derek and I would be like if we were Hogwarts students.

Also, Opera reinvented the web? Hells to the YES.


Saturday, June 6, 2009


This is David I will occasionally post on this blog.
Sometimes about Jews and sometimes about Freshly Squeezed Orange Jews.
Random facts about me:
Anything I say is a boldfaced lie and can not be taken seriously
I cannot draw and because of this will sometimes accompany my writings with MS Paint

I will only post in
TREBUCHET the most superior font known to man

I have a mysterious guardian who has been known to devour tools from time to time
I know exactly the wrong thing to say to people at the right time

But enough about me, let's get onto my family

My Father:

My Father retained the youthful spirit of a 12 year old and the annoying habits of a 5 year old.

My Father decided it would be a good idea to live on top of a mountain with no other children.
I blame him directly for any anti-social behavior that I have today.

My Father has porn laying around the house, classy.

My Father is getting on in years but he doesn't look like it. This leads to hilarious scenario's in which he acts like a crotchety, obnoxious old man:
Laughing at inappropriate points during movies
Wandering into private booths during a Renaissance fair asking, "what's going on here?"
"So are you its president?" asked of a Starbucks worker whose name was Sierra
When pulling in at a drive through, "Sir may I take your order?" Father's response "No..."
"Does the vegetable stir fry come with meat?"

My Dad has attempted to kill me a handful of times by:

Responding to a serious bike accident by calling my Mom and saying: "I think I need to take David to the Doctors..."
Deciding to see how many times he could roll the car off an embankment
Accelerating the car as I am leaving and then driving another 100 feet at 30 miles per hour
Startling me into jumping back onto a knife
Attempting to feed me T.V. dinners for 4 years of my life

Unsurprisingly my parents are divorced for many of the above reasons.